I never thought I would ever become an addict; I thought I was too level-headed and had a strong mind, one that would never lose control. But I was wrong, and if fate hadn’t intervened, I would have gone on to become an alcohol addict, a class of people I despised and pitied equally. I’ve always looked at addicts with disdain – how can they not control themselves, I would ask myself? Is it that hard to say no?
I found out the answers to these questions the hard way – yes, it is the hardest thing in the world to say No, because your body and mind are clamoring for it. When my husband left me for another woman, I was devastated. I could not sleep or function normally. And this is when I discovered that alcohol could induce slumber and give me the peace I needed. I did realize later that sleep so induced was but a small lull in a major storm, one that did not give my body the rest and rejuvenation it needed.
I would tell myself that I could stop at any time, but I hit the bottle every night, and sometimes, when I had no work on weekends and holidays, during the day as well. I woke up one day to hear the phone ringing; the shrill noise hurt my ears and I found myself lying in an unbelievable mess. The call was from my friend, someone I knew since first grade but who I had not met in a few years. She was in town and wanted to visit. The sour smell that pervaded the house spurred me to action – I did not want her to see how low I had sunk.
That was the day I cleaned up my act and became sober again – I left town with my friend for a few days because I needed to regroup and find myself again. And I did, although it took some time. The point I’m trying to make is that addiction is stealthy – it creeps up on us when we least expect it, and if we give it a toehold in our lives, it soon takes us over entirely. We lose our identities and become synonymous with the bottle, the need to drink overrides every other sane thought, and we slowly start to degenerate into scum. Read more…
